Ease of Writing
It’s much easier to write when we do not think much about what others think of us. Even though we are social animals, requiring the acceptance of others in order to be happy and to thrive, it is possible to rise above this and become unmoved by the opinions of others. For me, I gave up on worrying about that trivial matter since there are bigger concerns on my mind, including whether I’ll ever feel emotions fully again due to being forced to be overmedicated, or if I could ever relax about future wellness, due to being unable to overcome personal struggles and find a way to succeed and reach my goals.
Luckily enough, I did take specific steps to climb out of misery and despair so I could find a way to succeed and progress with my goals and be a fully ingratiated human who lives on Earth, rather than some kind of outsider who has been rejected by every system in place. I still have a habit of not worrying about what others think, and therefore I feel it’s much easier to speak my mind.
On top of this, my Aimee Sparrow alias is a pen name so it’s not widely known among all friends and family. Therefore, I can more freely express my views and opinions as it’s not connected to a real live person — myself. I am free to be anonymous as I please and also state my opinions passionately as needed to possibly help others in a similar situation.
These days, I find that writing doesn’t come as easily to me. I am fairly concerned about how I sound or how I appear since a lot more is at stake. I feel as though my social life and social connections are a large part of what I am building to be happy in the long term and if something happens that ruins everything — a mental breakdown then a hospitalization, I want to be sure that I didn’t do anything to precipitate that in the first place. I am indeed on a small dose of medication that’s supposed to prevent me from going insane. It’s a thin line to cross, but it can be crossed, and if it is, there will be a lot of struggle. It’s not worth the trouble it’ll cause. Certainly not for the purposes of curiosity and what I predict will happen after a fourth delusion.
If I could choose to be a certain way, I’d prefer to both not be so self-conscious, but to also have a reason not to be, that I have strong confidence that I am worthy of respect and worthy of admiration. That I already know or strive to know what there is to know about those topics I see as important, and I am able to support and teach those around me to be better in what they do. That’s why I write and also why I exist at all.
Aimee Sparrow is an author, applied philosopher, and mathematician who has been living with a mood disorder for more than a decade and advocates for happiness and inner peace. She is the author of Lunacy. Follow her website for more details.