Hiding Your Suffering and Collapsing
Many of us are under a lot of pressure, but not all realize that some pressures are preventable and can be alleviated. We must never doom ourselves to unpleasant circumstances or repeated unhappy feelings. All we need to do is ask, and then we will know, and before that, we must build up the courage to do so.
When I experienced my first mental break and psychotic episode, I felt nobody understood me. I attempted to understand myself, develop a sense of core self, and become autonomous. In the meantime, I realized I wasn’t living my life in a way that would lead to enough satisfaction and pride. My self’s essence wanted to make the change right away, so I lost my mind because of too much thinking.
In the midst of it all, I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder, so I learned that a lapse from sanity could happen again if I were not careful. I tried to learn as much as possible but ended up just learning about the symptoms of an illness rather than the philosophical underpinnings for why such a lapse of sanity can occur in a human being in the first place.
What I wish for and aspire for most in life is human connection, to learn from, indulge in, and inspire those around us by being exactly who we are. I curated my personality to embody all the traits I deemed noteworthy, and then, as the actor I am, I tried them out until I wholly loved who I am. There are still parts of myself I’d like to improve, and I am always willing to grow.
When something is wrong, we do not need to suffer in most cases and can take steps to understand better why it is happening. When we achieve that understanding, often, the situation fits perfectly as a puzzle piece, and we suddenly can see why things are the way they are. Then, we can incite change and positive improvements.
A situation like this happened to me for the past year and culminated in feelings of despair and hopelessness simply because I wasn’t focusing on the signs that were there all along as to why a certain thing kept happening. I made personal interpretations based on my conception of reality rather than looking at it through another’s eyes.