I Have Medical Trauma
It is extensive in its psychological effects.
There is an overarching boredom and ennui in my being at all times. Much of our small realities here on Earth seem pointless and inconsequential, especially our personal subjective feelings that overcome our whole body.
We all contain an element of the wilder self our ancestors were thousands of years ago, and this, contained in our hindbrain and brainstem region, drives our impulses, instincts, and innate behaviors. When a person becomes unhinged, their mind starts to integrate, and we cannot shut down or quell these savage impulses. We might let out a guttural growl or even a roar in times of distress, our higher minds overcome by the feeling of such wholeness and integration we hadn’t felt since older times. This is the human beast I had to fend off myself years ago.
The psychiatrist took one look at me after I described my “human beast” theory and decided he couldn't lower my dose. He thought I should be on more tranquilizers. I was exasperated, so I decided, “NEXT!” Then, I got a formal termination of care letter in the mail, so he wouldn’t be responsible if I did indeed need to be committed in the next week or two while I looked for a better match.
As soon as the doctors discovered I tended to go insane, I was forced to take medication, no matter…
