Once an Outcast, Always an Outcast
If you tend to be an outcast, you will always have that tendency. Some of us are strange, and that’s not an issue if these people also create belonging among other people for themselves. Friendships are forged and tended to if we put ourselves out there and take chances. Without risk, there is no reward. Some of us remain friendless due to fear, attachment to things remaining the same, and never resolving maladaptive beliefs from youth.
I met an old woman who participated in trysts to feel as though she hadn’t lost everything dear to her that she ever cared about. That position came from an instilled childhood experience of being overlooked as the eldest sibling. I felt as though if that had happened to me, my despair would have destroyed me. There is an immense, powerful dooming feeling when I think about being alone. It is my worst fear.
As a child, knowing myself to be the kind of person who might have been an outcast, even though others would speak to me and want to spend time with me, I befriended all other outcasts in my grade that I could find, the little girls who were eating lunch alone, standing on the side of the playground, hiding behind a dump upset they were not included in a kickball game. These little girls spoke to me; I found them interesting and kind. They became my best friends from elementary to high school.
Even today, I inspect and explore topics of interest that few care about or are aware of because they are deeply meaningful and important to me. We may carry some of our experiences with us after we die that would last for an eternity, given what we choose to open ourselves up to, given our limited human perspective, and therefore, to live forever as we are right now. That means the world to me.
Differences among us enable us to change and evolve as a species. Otherwise, we would remain stagnant. Some of us are innately insane, and that is fine. We must make our way across this life without losing who we are. We should always aim for what we were meant to do. I feel a purpose to share what I am learning as I learn it, and then if the apex is admirable, to express that too to the best of my ability as a writer, so I continue to hone my craft as a wordsmith. Many outcasts find writing a significant release of the pent-up energy from moments lost and the inability to cooperate or collaborate with others who do not accept them. In response to that, it’s essential to find those who do.
Aimee Sparrow is an author, applied philosopher, and mathematician who has lived with a mood disorder for over a decade and advocates for happiness and inner peace. She is the author of Lunacy. Follow her website for more details.