The Right and Wrong Way to Date Online

As an online community member since 2007, I know things.

Aimée Sparrow
3 min readMar 4


Pixabay License

I am the kind of person who doesn’t tolerate abject and total failure. That’s why I set myself up for eventual success. Dating, as always, is a numbers game. I continued to use it to my advantage for years and learned so much along the way. In the meantime, I did continue to binge-read Medium articles about peer experiences.

The Wrong Way to Date Online

  • Send uninspired messages out of ennui or boredom to someone you might like to meet and get to know one day.
  • Keep on using online dating in frustration when it’s not working for you.
  • Get caught up in the concept of soulmate and have a big turnover rate, not giving anybody a fair chance to get to know you or for you to get to know them. You need to take advantage of a key learning opportunity here, generally learning how to date, what you want, and how people are.
  • Use a predefined checklist to reduce your dates to a list of metrics instead of real living human beings, and not be willing to deviate from that list.

The Right Way to Date Online

  • Use your unique sense of humor and intellect to introduce yourself to people you might be interested in a friendly and open way.
  • Be respectful and kind before meeting as soon as possible, either in person, by phone, or by video, if there is a connection or interest in each other.
  • Give matches that seem like they interest you a fair chance, and if you do not feel that connection, respectfully decline further dates or, in some cases, ask if being friends is on the table.
  • Join multiple dating sites, build your profile carefully, and spend time each day on them to extend your pool of choices. If you are looking for a soulmate or a strong connection, it will take thousands of tries to find someone like that.
  • Create a checklist with clarification paragraphs of who you are looking for. Then, use that checklist to quickly identify major red flags or dealbreakers in your matches so that you don’t spend unnecessary time trying to make something work that likely will not.



Aimée Sparrow

An explorer of the philosophy behind psychology and what we dream to inspire peace and solace from suffering.